


Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater

by tisfan



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, Halloween, Humor, M/M, Peter Quill Is An Idiot, Pumpkins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-15
Updated: 2018-10-15
Packaged: 2019-08-02 13:27:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16306022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan
Summary: It's Halloween on Terra, so Peter takes Tony to a space pumpkin farm.Where everything does not go according to plan.Who's surprised?





	Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sunalso](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunalso/gifts).



> For my Halloween prompts

“What are these?” Tony asked, looking over the field of great, giant fruit-looking things, nearly the size of a small house. And, you know, green with purple stripes, because why not?

“Pumpkins,” Peter Quill responded, as if that were obvious. “ _Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater / had a wife and could not keep her_.”

“Yes, well, I can see why you’d remember that rhyme, but pumpkins are little. Even like, award winning, state fair sort of things,” Tony responded. “Not, could actually live in it, sized. That’s like, Cinderella’s coach and six, sized.”

“They are, in fact, Motellian Gourds,” Gamora said. “The seeds are considered a delicacy, across most of the galaxy. Almost worth the effort of coming to the back end of nowhere. Probably not worth the effort of harvesting them ourselves, Quill.”

“Hush, Gamora,” Peter told her. “I thought Tony might wanna see it, bein’ that it’s Halloween an’ all, back on Terra.”

“What is this, Halloween?” That was Drax.

“A festival,” Peter said. “People dress up as something they’re not, to confuse and scare off ghosts, and to get lots of candy as payment toward the Great Pumpkin.”

“You always dress as something you are not,” Drax remarked. “You dress as if you are a great hero. And you are not one.”

“Thanks, buddy, that’s… that’s real helpful, yeah? Flattering, too.”

“You are welcome,” Drax said. He slapped Peter on the back hard enough to almost knock him over.

Mantis, who’d been crawling over the enormous, obstacle-course like gourds, giggled and waved. She was on top of one of the largest pumpkins, looking for all the world like her namesake on Tony’s planet -- a comparison she did not appreciate in the least, and not only because they were tiny and buggy, but because praying mantises were _cute_ , and Mantis, as she told him very sincerely, was _extremely ugly_.

“I am Groot.”

“Yeah, you said it,” Rocket commented. “Smells like slime and outdoors.”

Peter blinked and turned around in a slow circle. “Yeah, y’ damn trash panda. This is what you’re supposed to be doing, running around, in the wild, playing in gardens, eating roots and berries.”

“I’mma find th’ right gun and roots and berriest your ass, humie,” Rocket said.

“I am Groot.”

“I ain’t carryin’ the basket, you carry the basket,” Rocket said. He stomped off in the direction of some of the riper looking gourds, because he might be a grouch, but he was also a greedy little bastard, and he was almost always willing to do a little work in order to get paid. And stealing seeds out of someone else’s garden was usually right up his alley.

“I am Groot?”

“Because you’re taller and more stationable-ary-like, and I’m climbing, so it makes sense that I need the ex-- because I said so, that’s why!”

“I am Groot.”

“Language!” That came in a chorus from almost everyone.

“So, what do you do with gourds, if you do not eat their seeds?” Gamora asked.

“Well, we do that, too, and sometimes the peel, or the fruit itself,” Tony said, “but mostly, we carve them.”

“Carve?”

“With a knife, we hollow them out and then cut faces into them,” Tony said.

“We are going to hollow them anyway,” Gamora said. She pulled a knife from her belt and handed it to Tony. “You will show me this… carving.”

It had taken Tony a while to find one of the gourds that wasn’t too tall, something he could actually carve. While Gamora and Peter emptied out the seeds and threw away buckets and buckets of slimy purple innards (Tony had scraped off a bit of the fleshy insides, tasted it, and decided he would rather scoop his eyeballs out with a melon spoon than eat a pie made out of these things) Tony drew a traditional style jack o’lantern on the front and started the tedious process of trying to cut through a rind that was nearly as thick as his arm.

“Hang on, starlight,” Peter said, coming back to the front. “Much as I am, in fact, terrified of Gamora’s knives, there’s a faster way to do that.”

He backed them up until they were about ten meters from the gourd, drew his quad-blaster and--

\--blew up the gourd.

“Somehow,” Tony said, wiping bits of purple goo out of his hair, “I should have seen that coming.”

“QUILL!”

Gamora rounded the side of the explosion, absolutely dripping with goo and fleshy bits.

“Run,” Peter said.

“What? I didn’t do anything--”

“Trust me on this, you want to RUN NOW.”

Tony took one look at the very angry eyes underneath the mound of slime and decided that Peter was probably right. Discretion was, they said, the better part of valor.


End file.
